In most sectors of our economy, customer focus is paramount, as it should be in education, too. Customer focus could yield a more student-centric system through the development and dissemination of user-friendly “truth-in-education” information that helps students make “best-fit” choices regarding which education provider to select based on customer preferences such as: academic quality, price, convenience, learning style, beginning education level and the anticipated return on their investment in education.” — Putting the Customer First in College: Why We Need an Office of Consumer Protection in Higher Education,” a report released today by the Center for American Progress
Hi, my name is Bruce and I’ll be your professor today! We’re thrilled you’ve chosen to matriculate with us this Fall. May I tell you about some of the special features of your college?
We’re committed to being the low-price leader in higher education. This semester, we have a special Buy One, Get One Free promotion. When you register for a class with us, choose a second class of equal or lesser challenge and get the second course absolutely free! And remember, if you find a lower price for this course at any nationally advertised college or university, simply bring us the ad and we will beat their price. Guaranteed!
I’d also like to tell you about out Frequent Learner program. Sign up today, to earn class credits and education rewards. You can use your frequent learner points to purchase clothing, housewares, books, and just about anything–even term papers! Earn even more rewards when you put your tuition on your Phi Beta Kappa Gold Visa card. In fact, you’re pre-approved just for registering for this class.
If at the end of this semester, you’re not happy with your grade for any reason, simply return it within 90 days for a full refund or a replacement grade. In this class–and every class–customer satisfaction is Job Number One!
I’m also happy to announce that starting with the 2009-2010 academic year, your undergraduate degree comes with a standard 10-year, 100-thousand dollar future earnings warranty. If you’re not earning six figures within ten years of graduation, we’ll make up the difference no questions asked!
On behalf of the entire faculty, administration, support staff and our nationwide network of alumni, we’d like to thank you for letting us educate you. We understand that you have a choice in colleges. Our goal is to be your preferred provider of education and career services whenever and wherever you choose to be educated.
Thank you, and have a great day!


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