The Onion strikes again with this pitch-perfect Parade parody. If that doesn’t lighten your mood, try this faux movie trailer, which skewers every “hero teacher” movie cliche known to Hollywood. Priceless.
Archive for the 'Humor' Category
Now that school budgets are getting hammered and bake sales are verboten, perhaps other teachers might wish to steal a fundraising idea from Poway, California calculus teacher Tom Farber. He’s begun selling ad space on tests and quizzes to cover printing costs cut out of his school’s budget.
Farber’s customers pay $10 for an ad on a quiz, $20 to be on a chapter test and $30 for a spot on a semester final, the San Diego Union-Tribune reports. “Farber said he has sold about $350 in ads, more than enough to make up what the school budget doesn’t pay for,” the paper notes. “He said he still has ad space for next semester, and whatever extra money he collects will go to the math department for other teachers to use.”
May I humbly suggest that Farber might be wanting for ambition? Why stop at mere ad space? Just about every elementary school teacher has taught probability or graphing using a packet of M&Ms. Stop thinking of that as a lesson plan–it’s a product placement opportunity! (Face it, Mars Inc., Skittles or Reese’s Pieces would work just as well. What’s a captive audience of twenty-five 3rd graders worth to you?) Endorsement deals! (”Ticonderoga…the official No. 2 pencil of Room 501″)
How much would naming rights for classrooms, gymnasiums or entire schools fetch? Citigroup shelled out $400 million for naming rights to the New York Mets new ballpark. That works out to $8,000 per seat. At that rate, a 500-seat elementary school is worth $4 million! Of course, even that relative bargain might be too rich for Citi’s blood right now.
I wonder if Alberto Carvalho has thought of this?
(Finder’s Fee: Joanne Jacobs)
This teacher has an amusing twist on the idea of paying students for attendance and test scores: Fine students who waste instructional time.
As a Mets fan, I don’t need a lot of encouragement to root against the Phillies in this week’s World Series. But if I did, the ravings of “Mike from Delaware” might do the trick. On a sports radio call-in show last week, the overheated Phillies fan coined an unfortunate and ungrammatical catchphrase that has quickly caught fire. “Boston did it. The White Sox did it. Why can’t us? Why can’t us?”
Already, there’s a brisk business in “Why Can’t Us?” t-shirts, with the proceeds going to charity (May I humbly suggest Literacy Volunteers?) Us send our sympathies to Philadelphia teachers who will have to abide this for the next week or so.
Michael Goldstein, the founder of Match Charter Public School in Boston weighs in with the last word on the Louisiana rerouting scandal:
In other news, the Red Sox reported today that they were re-routing 3 victories from the Dodgers back to Boston. “Those Dodger wins were generated by Manny Ramirez,” said team president Larry Lucchino. “If Mannywood hadn’t demanded a trade from Boston, those wins would have been ours.” This development belatedly makes Boston the AL East Division Winner.
Its National Punctuation Day! Please remember: friends don’t let friends; misuse semicolons.
“I was bored in school. It’s true. I spent my school years daydreaming and writing stories.” So begins a fundraising email from George Lucas for his education foundation, Edutopia, which pushes project learning and technology in the classroom. He made his billions writing and directing the Star Wars, and Indiana Jones movies.
A shame how that daydreaming and writing stories thing worked out for him.
If you understand why this is funny—ok, it’s not not funny. It’s absurd and inexcusable—count yourself fortunate that you went to a school that understood that content knowledge matters. (Hat tip: Joanne Jacobs)
Courtesy of the wags at The Onion, a plea in verse from the late Theodor Geisel, beloved by millions (but not by Hollywood) as Dr. Seuss:
Did you learn all but squat from The Cat In The Hat?
Please tell me you fired the p—- who made that.
I would have stopped writing, maybe sold Goodyear tires.
If I knew one dark day I’d costar with Mike Myers.And Oh!
Oh, dear! Oh!
My poor Grinch, what they’ve done!
They crammed in live-action and snuffed out all the fun!It’s icky, it’s tacky, it’s awkward, it’s wrong.
The Whos look like ferrets, it’s an hour too long.
What a rotten idea to spend millions destroying
This masterful tale kids spent decades enjoying!
There’s more, but this is a family blog.
A fabulous example of kids working in self-directed groups and using cooperative learning strategies to solve an authentic, real-world problem right in their classroom.
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